“Sometimes, the best way to move someone isn’t to push them, but to hold their hand and walk with them.”
— Daryl Kho
When someone is living with Mild Cognitive Impairment or progressive dementia, frustration, confusion, and a painful loss of self‑worth often accompany the diagnosis. As reasoning and organization become compromised, caregivers may feel as though they are walking a constant tightrope—trying to help while avoiding conflict, fear, or emotional landmines.
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One of the most effective and compassionate tools available is validation.
Validation is not agreement. It is not reinforcing delusions or ignoring reality. Validation simply communicates: I hear you. I see you. Your feelings make sense to you—and that matters.
The late Naomi Feil, creator of Validation Therapy, taught that validation begins with an empathic, non‑judgmental stance toward those whose memory is failing. As dementia progresses, the brain loses the ability to form new associations. When caregivers insist on logic or correction, stress and agitation often increase. Validation does the opposite—it builds trust, reduces anxiety, and preserves dignity.
Validation Begins With Rapport
Everyone processes the world primarily through one of four modalities: visual, auditory, reading/writing, or kinesthetic (touch). That preference tends to remain intact even as cognition declines.
If someone says, “I can’t see why I have to do this,” respond visually: “Let’s look at it together.”
If they say, “I hear something,” acknowledge it: “That must sound unsettling.”
If they say, “I feel off today,” connect through action—fold laundry together, take a short walk, or engage their hands in a simple task. Matching their modality creates comfort and opens the door to communication.
Preserve Dignity at All Costs
People with dementia feel embarrassment and loss just as deeply as anyone else. A frightened or “bizarre” statement is often a symbolic attempt to communicate an unmet need. When we explore their reality rather than contradict it, we often discover fear, longing, or unresolved grief beneath the behavior.
Respond With Empathy, Not Correction
Arguing with someone whose cognition is compromised rarely leads to clarity. Responding with empathy—“That sounds upsetting. I’m here with you”—helps regulate emotions and restores a sense of safety.
Ultimately, validation allows us to walk beside our loved ones rather than pull them toward a reality they can no longer reach. When dignity is preserved and empathy leads the way, moments of connection—and even joy—remain possible.
