My clientele consists of both individuals and families. For proactive individuals who want to ensure that their aging journey takes the roads they personally choose, I help them to plan for the future. Abdicating responsibility for making healthy choices f or our future can unfortunately mean that we may possibly wind up forfeiting the opportunity to do so later. Ensuring that does not happen is immensely rewarding for me as well as for the people I help. When families contact me, it is usually because a crisis or untenable situation requires significant changes for the family, especially involving an elderly family member who is without the benefit of earlier planning. This person is floundering, feeling lost, lonely, unsettled, unhappy, frightened, or the like. Mary Ann was such an individual.
When families contact me, it is usually because a crisis or untenable situation requires significant changes for the family, especially involving an elderly family member who is without the benefit of earlier planning. This person is floundering, feeling lost, lonely, unsettled, unhappy, frightened, or the like. Mary Ann was such an individual.
MARY ANN
In her defense, Mary Ann was unaware of the toll her neediness took on daughter June and the family. She did not realize that on weekdays June got up two hours early to get the children to school and then com e to her house to make sure she was out of bed, dressed and fed before going to work herself. Nor did she understand why June could not answer her multiple phone calls during the day or stay to eat and chat or go for a walk after preparing the evening meal . June felt exhausted and overwhelmed, and she missed spending time with her husband and children. Mary Ann felt lonely and bored and particularly unhappy and annoyed that June did not spend more time visiting with her on weekends. Had Mary Ann’s memory be en better, she would have realized that the reason June came by every single day was because she had landed in the hospital three times in the last 12 months for a variety of preventable reasons, all centered around her inability to manage on her own. Had she been able, she would have understood that the demands she constantly made on June were unrealistic. The situation became untenable for June when she had to miss her own daughter’s piano recital for the second time and finally recognized that not only h ad she let her child down, she had neglected her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her family for far too long.
Solutions for Everyone
To relieve June’s stress, she and I met to discuss Mary Ann’s challenges and goals for her immediate and future wellbeing. During this discovery session we also discussed June’s own personal goals. June then introduced me to Mary Ann to perform a clinical assessment. During the assessment, Mary Ann shared that walking in the city park’s large garden and watching horticulture shows on TV were two of her favorite activities. She was a lively conversationalist and eager to explore ways to get back out into nature instead of being isolated at home. She got a bit defensive when June commented that she needed help around the house but did admit that she understood that she “needed a nudge to start things now and then.”
Based on Mary Ann’s medical information and the in – home clinical assessment, I developed a written care plan with solutions, steps, and resources to address Mary Ann ’s physical and social needs. Improving her quality of life meant that the quality of life for June and her family would also improve, and June was more than ready for that. I recommended a geriatric care manager to implement the care plan, which included a daily caregiver/companion who helped Mary Ann with personal care, prepared meals, and gave her the much – needed social interaction she craved. June agreed to continue to order and organize her mom’s medication, and the caregiver gave Mary Ann her medication as directed.
One aspect of a care plan concerns socialization beyond a caregiver/companion if the care recipient can be sociable outside of home. Mary Ann was forgetful, but she was certainly capable of social interaction and became quite the social bee as she volunteered at the park’s rose garden. The social connections Mary Ann made with other volunteers invigorated h er and the depression previously expressed as unhappiness and annoyance lifted. These changes allowed the social dynamic between Mary Ann and June to change. What had increasingly become a relationship between a care recipient and caregiver returned to on e that Mary Ann and June enjoyed as mother and daughter. Mary Ann again experienced pleasant days, received care , and June was able to focus more on her own family life. To find out more about Gerontology and how Kathy can help you provide better care for your loved one and restore balance to your own life, visit www.faenziassociates.com .
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Kathy C. Faenzi MA is a Clinical Gerontologist and Senior Care Consultant based in San Mateo, CA.
JC Spicer, M.Ed. is a Freelance Social Science Writer and Developmental Editor based in the U.K.